emo 101

from the beginning it was obvious that a father-son relationship just wasnt in our cards. he wanted me to play football, i wanted to read & paint. he never understod that. he never understod why i couldn't be like all the other boys my age & i could never understand how he couldn't take a common interest in the things i enjoyed. we were doomed from the start. over the years, things got worse before they got better. i became more unlike everyone else & he remained the same... my views were broadened from theatre & film. his were stagnant and that of a good 'ole southern boy. something that he was born into and something that he couldn't change. we clashed on numerous occasions. clashing so hard that physical fights would erupt. punches would be thrown. it was never pretty whenever we were in the same room together. through all of our differences though, i always loved him.
now he's sick. dying. & im at a loss. each breath i take, i wish i could give to him. the man who never understod me, but deep down always tried. i wouldn't take back our differences, our fights. never. those things have taught me so much about myself. about people. about life.
yesterday, was the first time i had seen him, since hearing of his illness. we cried. it was honest. it was hard.
you can never mend the past. u cant take back the things that were said or done, but u can always progress. move on. start something new. i just got a tattoo. sometimes they are the only things that make me feel alive. i got it for my dad. it's a falling autumn leaf. its fallen from it's tree to be whisked away somewhere. its fallen from its home, but a new leaf will grow in its place. something brighter, something newer.

in alabama

without a banjo on my knee

sad

blah blah

see u bastards on sunday

this gives me joy

i cant help my soft spot for rap music. some of it really makes me smile.

&

i really need someone to buy me katy perry's cd. it makes me smile, as well.
im all about smiling right now.
in my op, shes the most exciting thing going on in pop music, for sure.

so... open up ur ears & your eyes, cuz the girl is yum-town!

oh, & this if u've been living in a cave.

thao and the get down, stay down

u missed a gem of a show last nite
@ the end

it was quite magical

im going to marry thao nguyen

enjoy the video for bag of hammers

its grand

INSANE

i really REALLY hate not having a phone.
i feel like have NO friends...

please come see me @ work.
my communication skills are lacking today

&
im pretty sure i need to be around PEOPLE
like u

heads up for fall

again, just for the boys... sorry ladies. i just feel that the fashion for the men is lacking. or at least that's what i gather from seeing most of the guys walking the streets these days.

now, i know fall is a ways away. but its never a bad thing to be prepared.
enjoy these favorites for fall 2008
michael bastian

gilded age

duckie brown

dries van noten

burberry

bottega veneta

again, bottega veneta

adam kimmel

emanuel ungaro

for the boys

these are things that u should ABSOLUTELY be wearing ALL summer long...


its ok to wear black in the summer, just keep it loose and relaxed, k? thanx.


a colorful, light coat is NEVER a bad thing.


my personal favorite, the mid-size short. put away the knee length cargo shorts, please! if u get one thing this summer for ur wardrobe, make sure its a shorter short.


this is more of a summer european thing. u never really see it done in the US. lets change that. it sometimes gets colder at night, ecspecially on the beach, so break out ur light linen scarf. dont be scared!

thank u, thank u. now dont hesitate. go to ur closet & start cutting ur shorts. im serious

ocracoke island blues

first things first, i just got back from this amazing trip. with 3 of the most amazing people that i know & probably will ever know. it was a grand excursion & it desperately needed to happen. this hasn't been the best year. so a vacay was in order.
the sad thing about it is... u spend 4 days on this beautiful island. soaking up the sun & surf without a care in the world. not doing a damn thing. living the life. then ur forced to come back home. back to reality. i spent my first day back from ocracoke in this dark little hole of depression. so sad about something that i couldnt put my finger on. i was on the bi-polar express all day long. happy and chill one minute & then so mad at the world the next. the only thing i could come up with was the trip itself had done it to me. not necessarily the vacation itself, but the fact that it was just a vacation and not a "real life" thing for me. the second u get used to ur new digs on this AMAZING island, living in ur fantasy bubble, ur thrown back to the real world. where u have to work and do stuff. it's really not fair. i just snarled thinking about it...
i guess the whole point of this rant is that we should all live on our own personal island all the time if possible. if that means literally, then great, but not all of us can afford that. but, if we can put ourselves there metaphorically, then that might work as well. thats my new personal motto anyway. being away made me realize how happy i can be. & my goal is to maintain that sort of happiness. we spend too much time being sad about things that are out of our hands. im going to change that, or at least try too!

i love u

ps. i have pictures from the ocracoke adventure, coming soon!
pps. & a BIG ole promise for more updates. sometimes i forget i have a blog. so more updates are in order