gone

i've lost hope in the human race.

completely.

i want to flee the country.
go somewhere, where no one knows my name & i dont have to speak to anyone.
i can be alone.
write.
draw.
create.
&
cease to exist.

take me away

juxtaposed

youve stolen it
or maybe i have

im sure the feeling isnt mutual
it never is
i guess im just lost
... typical

finding myself
with you on my mind
its brutal

i melt
or maybe its the opposite
i can never tell

tho, ive sworn off love
i cant swear off you
... impossible

this is not a love note
or a sorrowful plea
i promise
its something in between

friendship.
thats all i ever get
but, if thats all you'll give
im obliged to take it.

emo 101

from the beginning it was obvious that a father-son relationship just wasnt in our cards. he wanted me to play football, i wanted to read & paint. he never understod that. he never understod why i couldn't be like all the other boys my age & i could never understand how he couldn't take a common interest in the things i enjoyed. we were doomed from the start. over the years, things got worse before they got better. i became more unlike everyone else & he remained the same... my views were broadened from theatre & film. his were stagnant and that of a good 'ole southern boy. something that he was born into and something that he couldn't change. we clashed on numerous occasions. clashing so hard that physical fights would erupt. punches would be thrown. it was never pretty whenever we were in the same room together. through all of our differences though, i always loved him.
now he's sick. dying. & im at a loss. each breath i take, i wish i could give to him. the man who never understod me, but deep down always tried. i wouldn't take back our differences, our fights. never. those things have taught me so much about myself. about people. about life.
yesterday, was the first time i had seen him, since hearing of his illness. we cried. it was honest. it was hard.
you can never mend the past. u cant take back the things that were said or done, but u can always progress. move on. start something new. i just got a tattoo. sometimes they are the only things that make me feel alive. i got it for my dad. it's a falling autumn leaf. its fallen from it's tree to be whisked away somewhere. its fallen from its home, but a new leaf will grow in its place. something brighter, something newer.